How long have you been involved in kink and how did you get involved?
Even though I’ve been kinky my entire life—age 4 to be exact (thanks, Aladdin!)—I didn’t officially come into the kink community here in Portland until September 2013. I had just ended a long-term relationship that was extremely toxic, abusive, and filled with gaslighting. As a free woman, it was one of those “now or never” moments.
So, I signed up for FetLife, set my location, and found that there were lots of public kinky play parties I could attend. I had posted on a party’s forum asking some questions when this gentleman (who I eventually met in person!) suggested that I go to a munch first so that I could get to know members of the community and participate in these parties from an empowered and safe manner.
Three hours after I signed up for FetLife, I found a munch a few blocks from where I worked downtown. I remember staring at the door to the bar and freezing. I had so many thoughts go through my mind, like, “Am I even kinky enough for these people?” totally happened.
But, I stepped into the bar and the rest was history. Many of the people I met that fateful have become my closest friends and confidantes in the community.
I will be forever grateful that I came into the kink community this way. There is nothing more reassuring than people fiercely accepting, supporting, and loving me for all that I am. I felt so safe and protected.
What advice would you give your younger self when you started exploring this type of play?
Since my bread and butter is D/s power exchange, I’ll speak to that:
“You are enough exactly as you are.”
I used to think there was something wrong with me and the way I enjoyed my kink. I was so used to seeing people—especially Dominance/submission dynamics—be so serious. While seriousness has its place for me, that doesn’t have to be constant. I’m inherently a spirited person who loved to laugh, make jokes/be humorous, and be playful.
For a long time, I thought I wasn’t a good enough submissive. Or, that given my personality, I shouldn’t be submissive. Submitting was hard because I naturally am quick-witted and made others feel challenged, especially when they were trying to tame me. I’m learning that I have a strong personality.
But then, I found my Dominant, my Master, that accepts me for all that I am: humor, laughter, silliness, playfulness, intellect…all of it. He inspires me to submit and surrender like never before. Our relationship is so precious and dynamic because he allows me to be me. I am enough as I am. There’s something SO powerful to know that.
That’s my advice to my younger self: don’t change who you are to fit someone else’s mold. Shine bright as exactly yourself.
How has your play evolved?
I got into BDSM for the D/s and the sex. And while the D/s (my relationship dynamic is Master/slave now) aspect and the sex are better and more mindblowing than ever before, I’ve noticed that I’m adding a lot of mental kink to my play. I realize that kink doesn’t have to be all physical. There is something SO delicious about the mental and emotional play, too.
It’s one thing to be tied up and spanked. It’s a whole new game when you’re tied up and spanked while surrendering your mind someone. The vulnerability and fear kick in (where I love to play), and it’s a way for me to be kinky mind, body, and soul.
What do you love about sharing your kink or fetish with others?
As a whole, I see that kink is such a transformative experience. I came in for the kinky sex and to submit, but I’ve gotten SO much more out of it. Kink has changed my life. I’m more confident, communicative, and unapologetic than I ever thought possible, and it feels like I’m just beginning. You get out what you put in. I’ve always been a more thoughtful person who loved to go deep.
And when we drill down from kink to Dominance/submission, I further help people bring out the amazing that has always been hidden away through this path. Specifically, as s-types, there is something so liberating and beautiful when we submit as our authentic and powerful selves.
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